Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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