She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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