he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
