I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
