Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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