don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
