Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
