I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
