Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
