Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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