Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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