i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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