I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
