I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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