I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
