So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
