New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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