He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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