"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
