Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
