Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
