NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
