I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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