Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
