Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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