Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
