He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Operation Purity has been aborted
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Found the puke drawer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
