I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
