My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
