false alarm. still invincible.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
