i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
