I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
