after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
