His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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