Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
