I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
