so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
