The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
