after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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