well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
