Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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