You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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