So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
