You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
