I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
