you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
