I'm lost and stupid without you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
