Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this boner is exhausting
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
