Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
