I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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