is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
