her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
