I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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