Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
