If that was your dad, he is hot
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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