I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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